My plan for this week was an extended essay about the failings of 6.005 and how to fix them. I still intend to write this essay, I even have an outline, but right now I am too tired and need to sleep.
I will either replace this entry with that essay when it is done or use it as next week’s entry depending on how lame I feel at the time.
so … *punt*
This weekend I was on retreat with the MIT/Wellesley Toons in essentially the middle of nowhere, New Hampshire. The house we stayed in was in a very pretty location and was pretty nice, but it lacked certain things to which I have grown accustomed. It lt lacked, for example, centralized heating, relying instead on two wood stoves. It also lacked plentiful power outlets and (gods forbid!) Internet Connectivity of any sort. Thus, while I brought my laptop, I did not, in fact, power it on. For the most part, retreat is pretty blocked-out schedule wise, but it does block out more time for sleeping than what we MIT (and apparently Wellesley) students are accustomed. Thus, rather than go to sleep as soon as we could, we followed our natural impulses to waste time in whatever convenient way was available. For a lot of the the Toons this involved having a dance party in the kitchen powered by the aux-input on Buck, the Singing Deer, and while I did do this some, I soon sought alternative entertainment. Having no Internet, I switched instead to the time-honored tradition of writing, with ink, on paper while sitting by one of the wood stoves. I basically followed the “free-writing” paradigm, meaning that I did not so much have an idea of what I was going to write about as just kind of do a stream of consciousness flow. I present below the results of this exercise. By the nature of the method, I make no guarantee about the coherence, pointedness, or even correctness of what I say. In any case, I hope it gives an interesting insight into my state of mind and thoughts of late. Enjoy:
It’s an interesting thing, in the modern era, to be cut off from even some of the trappings of modern life– trappings: a simple word that alone denotes the accessory, the non-essential, what you think you’d like to have, and yet hidden in it is that notion, that so of our generation associates with the squidly head of Admiral Achbar that “it’s a trap.” Is it? In these non-essentials do we lose sight of the things that truly are important? Caught up in the escapism of the modern, digital, mass culture do we seek, and do we find a way to forget about harsh realities? Things like like love, like family, like accomplishment and caring. Making something of ourselves and finding worth. IT is oft’ quoted by American Historians that the notion of ‘mass culture’, of expression through leisure arose in the 1920s — that as work became industrialized, regimented, and unskilled, as people stopped being fulfilled in their work that they stopped finding fulfillment in producing and they started consuming — consumer culture was born. And thus it has been borne, borne by society ever since. Finding value in what you know, what you saw, chatting about the recent movie, the recent reality show — the “regular” lives put on display that people attend to rather than their own. It is natural in such a world to lose a sense of personal importance, to be reduced to a “nobody” rather than a “somebody.” And that’s the norm. Not everyone can be important, but in delocalization the proportion of the pertinent rises and the practical percentage that can be seen as “special” drops. You can’t be as unique when there is more to compare to. And the standards change.
Microcosmily, there is a similar experience in a student going to college, in moving from a place where the people are localized, perhaps all their lives, to a place that draws from the entire state, nation, or the entire world. Surrounded by other, by new others, the individual has to rediscover themselves in a sense of their identity in this new context. Such has been my experience in coming to MIT, a university of global distinction for bright minds, bright ideas, and presumptive bright futures. The standards change. Moving from a realm of high school where I was exceptional to here where I am at best average and probably not quite there. Meanwhile, there are a lot of new notions of leisure and a lot more trappings — freedoms to make mistakes, or make discoveries, often both. Trappings like labs, servers, network bandwidth unparalleled in most of America, and other such fun toys. Important toys, but “toys” that come with an air of expectation.
And, thus, the cycle begins. New context, new trappings, and above all, new standards. Higher standards of average for intelligence or accomplishment, MUCH lower standards for such seeming non-essentials as amount of sleep, nutrition, keeping a normal sleep schedule, hygiene, healthy living, and standards of conventional morality. but that’s what it’s supposedly about innovation, discovery, charting new waters and fighting the good fight. Yet, at the same time, its one of the greatest feats of abstract consumerism. You are expected to absorb history and facts, methods and traditions, realities as conflicted as con reasonably coexist. Along the way, people consume substances they wouldn’t have before, experiences they couldn’t even conceive of, and somehow, in this torrent of reality, they are expected to emerge not only coherent, but better then they went in, ready to change the world for the better. but its hard to see a way out. Drenched in the fire-hose you are trying to drink, the spray stings your eyes, and if it brings tears they are mixed in the water and washed away before anyone can see they were there, but the pain isn’t [washed away]. It’s only when you step out, drenched and deflated, sodden and sullen that you recall reality. And you are supposed to reach out your brass-ratted hand, grab a cup, and squeeze the waters of knowledge from the clothes of your experience and from that, distill some new drought to take the world by storm, but before you get there there exists the ever-present risk of being swept away in the flow. There exists the possibility that you had the necessary, but not sufficient prowess and ability to arrive and succeed.
At this point I got distracted by something or other, or simply noticed that my arm was quite tired, and gave up, did something else for ~an hour, then went to sleep.
This week is likely to be very discouraging.
Oh well.
Good luck everyone,
~Donald
I have now gone almost three weeks without blogging. And it’s not for lack of remembering to… I’ve just either a) not had anything to write about or b) felt like the subjects I wanted to write on deserved more time and development than I’ve had to give them. This post is mainly just to fill space and not pay $5. It is lame I admit it.
Just so it is not devoid of content, I will at least inform you on some random points of news from the last week or so:
Thus ends the filler piece.
I need to sleep.
Night world,
~Donald
